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The Caffeinated Collector – Episode 1 – Getting To Know You, Getting To Know….Wait, WHAT?!?!

The Caffeinated Collector – Episode 1 – Getting To Know You, Getting To Know….Wait, WHAT?!?!

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Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste. Except for the wealth. And if you ask the right/wrong people, my taste is questionable, but I AM a man, despite what the rest of this blog will try to make you believe.

Rather than make this an origin story, I have chosen to tell you about myself through the most accurate and reliable format, the online character quiz. You may have seen these popping up lately on Facebook, courtesy of www.Zimbio.com. I resisted for a long time, assuming they were just silly and designed to give you the character you WANTED to be given, but when the Star Wars Character Quiz came out, I was powerless to resist. So I dove in headfirst. Now, let me begin by saying with all humility that I am a genius. I don’t have the papers to prove it, but it’s generally accepted by me and my dog, Marvin (depicted above, with art by Taylor Lymbery), so that’s really enough to make it legitimate, I think. If I so chose, I COULD manipulate this test to give me the answer that seems obvious: Han Solo. I’m sure you’d be surprised if I WASN’T classified as that handsome, charismatic scoundrel. BUT, I chose to answer the questions honestly, and it became clear early on that I am not as jaded as Chewbacca’s copilot, so I was prepared to accept my fate as a Luke Skywalker or even, if the prequels MUST be included, Anakin’s buddy Kitster, since my youthful optimism is readily apparent. So I answered question after question, saying I would rush to my friend’s defense in a fight, and resisting the urge to answer with “Quippy one-liners” when asked what I respond with when I need to come up with something to say. I got to the end of the test, and hit “Submit” and waited. My computer seemed to revel in keeping me in suspense. Was it going to give me Jar-Jar?? FINALLY the page loaded and….my results surprised even me. This hadn’t even dawned on me as an OPTION….

Amidala

Seriously? Amidala? Not only do I get a prequel character, but I get a FEMALE character (not that I have a problem with that!), AND I get the one who couldn’t even be bothered to stay alive for the sake of her kids? This had to be rigged.

It was suggested I take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, since there is a great Star Wars character chart posted online with each result. So, I took the test, and discovered I am an ENFJ (extraversion, intuition, feeling, judgment). Not TERRIBLY surprising, since that’s what most of our charismatic world leaders are classified as. So, to the chart I went….ENFJ, ENFJ, AH, here it is……huh. Amidala again. Well, there’s that. OH, here’s what it says about ENFJ’s on the chart, though:

The Giver – Warm, Empathetic, and charismatic with excellent people skills. Highly sensitive to the emotions and needs of others, likely to find hidden potential in others and strive to help them fulfill it. Take their obligations to others very seriously. Characterized by their ability to help develop others, and making a lasting difference in people’s lives.

Guilty as charged. I give til it hurts. And my people skills are off the charts, as long as constantly leaving people confused and angry counts.

Still, I wonder how the OTHER character quizzes would treat me. Back to the interwebs! First up, a Star Trek The Original Series quiz. Questions answered HONESTLY, and my result? No, not Kirk. Nope, not Spock. And no, not that loveable grump McCoy. No, I am Uhura. Apparently my feminine side is showing through.

Let’s see if the Star Trek: The Next Generation quiz is more gender-accurate. Questions, questions, questions, and “Submit.” And my result? Guinan. As played by Whoopi Goldberg. Anyone else seeing a pattern here?

A Firefly Character quiz! I’ve always fancied myself a Mal, but I know I’m probably closer to Wash. Well, I wasn’t far off. I AM close to Wash, but that’s because I’m Zoe. Zoe? Is the internet just messing with me, or am I really a strong African-American female trapped in a suburban white guy’s body?

Ok, let’s put this trend to the test with the “Which X-Men Character Are You?” quiz. If I get Storm, we’ll know something’s up. Hmmm. Well, it’s not Storm. No, not Storm. Nope, this one is even less likely. I got Mystique. I’m a naked hottie in blue body paint. Trust me, NOBODY wants that. This description isn’t even accurate! Are you for serious!?!?! At this point, everyone on my Facebook feed is pointing and laughing.

The Big Bang Theory. Again, I’ve always fancied myself a Leonard, but I fear I’m really more of a Wolowitz. Nope. Not even close. Penny. Yep, NOW I’m a hot blonde. This is getting silly now.

As a final grasp for some masculine credibility, I took a Saved By The Bell character quiz. I know, I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me, either, now that I’m typing it. Sigh. Let’s just get this over with. Am I going to be Lisa Turtle? Rich and picky? Will I be Jesse Spano? So excited and so…scared? Or will I be everyone’s childhood crush, Ms. Kelly Kapowski, always bubbly, but with real problems? At this point, I don’t even care, although I DID always have a thing for Jesse. Drumroll, please? Drumroll?

Wow. I’m not sure this is better:

Screech

Well. He’s kinda male, right? Sad part is, it’s a pretty accurate description.

So, if this little exercise has taught me anything, it’s that…..actually, I’m not sure it taught me anything. And the worst part is, I don’t think it’s told you much about me, which was the original purpose. Imagine that, a free online pop-culture quiz doesn’t really reveal much.

Oh well, next time I’ll reveal another layer of the onion that is me as I discuss some of my favorite Star Wars toys from my youth. And from my recent adulthood. I may even have some thoughtful comments on the mentality of collectors. If you’re not careful, you just may learn something next month.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to Coffee With Kenobi for allowing me to spread my insanity.

Until we meet again (or Until we meet at all), Marvin says hi,

Jeff

You can email Jeff at jeffm@coffeewithkenobi.com

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19 Comments

  1. Joe2
    February 25, 2014 at 15:11 Reply

    I got Zöe, too. But I also got R2 on the first try, and I was perfectly willing to take the test until I got him. Don’t worry, Jeff, I’m sure these weren’t designed by scientists. Welcome to the family.

    1. Jeff McGee
      February 25, 2014 at 18:51 Reply

      You know, I think Zoe is probably the Han Solo of Firefly, so I’m ok with that, too 🙂

  2. Becca Benjamin
    February 25, 2014 at 18:35 Reply

    “She was very beautiful….kind….but said.”

    I took the http://www.Zimbio.com. quiz as well, and I got “Leia.”
    Hi Mom!!! 😉 Ok, that’s a tad awkward lol!

    Let me start off by saying, Great Blog!
    I seriously haven’t laughed that hard over something I’ve read in a long, long time.
    Very witty and highly entertaining, just funtastic 🙂

    I also love the fact that you were “open” enough to share this with the public, most people would shy away from it.
    “He certainly has courage.” -Leia

    Obviously, so do you and charisma too. 🙂

    Looking forward to Episode 2!

    1. Jeff McGee
      February 25, 2014 at 18:49 Reply

      Thanks Becca and Joe, you folks sure know how to make a “girl” feel welcome 🙂

  3. Lisa
    February 27, 2014 at 23:12 Reply

    Geez, I’ve taken more of those crazy quizzes than I care to admit (although that didn’t stop me from posting all the results to my Pinterest account!). For Star Wars, I was Leia – which I don’t see, to be honest. I half expected to get Vader!

    Welcome to the blogs, Jeff – and Joxer (my Jedi Pug) says ‘Hi’ to Marvin! 🙂

    1. Jeff McGee
      February 27, 2014 at 23:16 Reply

      So you’d RATHER be a genocidal emo teen? Good to know 🙂 joxer, you have to tell the story behind that name.

      1. Lisa
        February 28, 2014 at 12:14 Reply

        No, no, no… Yikes! I was HOPING to be Luke! I figured I’d be Vader since some of the answers seemed they’d swing me toward the Dark Side. I was a bit shocked to come up as Leia.

        Joxer is taking his afternoon nap, so I’ll tell the story. I was (and still am) a huge fan of Xena. I got Joxer 15 years ago, during that show’s prime. I was going to name him Luke – but it just didn’t fit. So, he went nameless for about two weeks. Till, one Saturday afternoon, I was watching Xena. There was a character called Joxer the Mighty (played by Ted Raimi) and he was a warrior wannabe with a really sweet heart (and actually quite brave at times!). He was also the comic relief for the show to a large extent.

        At the time, my little 2 1/2 lb. puppy was on the floor, wrestling with a stuffed horse about three times his size. He was growling and biting and determined to conquer the beast. I looked from the TV – where Joxer was doing his ‘warrior’ thing on screen – to the floor where my puppy was doing his ‘warrior’ thing…. and it hit me – “Joxer!” The name stuck. 🙂

        1. Jeff M
          March 1, 2014 at 00:27 Reply

          That’s a GREAT story, and so fitting of a warrior like the noble pug 🙂 I plan to reveal why Marvin is named Marvin in a future blog, so the question “how do you keep a turkey in suspense” has just been answered 🙂

          1. Lisa
            March 3, 2014 at 15:07

            Thanks! Looking forward to Marvin’s story! 🙂

  4. Melinda
    March 1, 2014 at 10:31 Reply

    Truly delightful! 🙂
    Thank you for some fun reading on this wintery winter morning. (Here it is — the beginning of March — and we woke to more snow. The month has come in like a lion. I hope it goes out like a lamb. Well, that’s what we said last year … expecting it to go out like a lamb, but instead had one of the worse wintery Aprils on record! Enough already!) The laughter warmed my heart. 🙂

  5. Melinda
    March 1, 2014 at 10:34 Reply

    Welcome to the realm of Coffee With Kenobi! 🙂 I’m looking forward to future ramblings from you! 😀

  6. Jeff M
    March 1, 2014 at 10:53 Reply

    Thanks for the kind words Melinda, I won’t tell you what the weather is doing down here in Texas…..

    1. Melinda
      March 1, 2014 at 21:34 Reply

      Thank you. 😉

  7. YHOP
    March 2, 2014 at 00:05 Reply

    I can’t remember who I got when I took the quiz. I’m sure it was Yakface or something like that…

    1. Jeff McGee
      March 2, 2014 at 00:15 Reply

      Yakface: while some might say you aren’t much to look at, those who know you understand that you are a rare and very valuable find.

      1. YHOP
        March 2, 2014 at 00:22 Reply

        It took me a while but I found it. Turns out that I’m Luke Skywalker. So I’m a male and I carry a lightsaber. Looks like I’m pretty awesome after all.

        1. Jeff McGee
          March 2, 2014 at 00:40 Reply

          Well we all knew that much already !

  8. bob
    March 2, 2014 at 10:32 Reply

    ha ha ha

  9. Jay
    March 9, 2014 at 09:38 Reply

    Fun, fun! Sorry so late to this party but glad I could make it!
    Welcome to the world of CWK! 🙂
    Ahhhhh, psychology! My favorite subject. I’m so into finding out what makes us tick! These quizzes are a lot of fun, and it’s cool to see what the results are! Sometimes we don’t always see the true nature of our selves, and as much as I know these quizzes are not based in any sort of scientific integrity, they sure are a way to make us smile, and even reflect!
    OK, enough analysis!
    I got Leia, no surprise to me there. She was always my go-to gal when I played Star Wars as a kid! I honestly would stop and ask myself how she would handle a situation before I acted on decisions sometimes! Sort of a WWLD philosophy!
    So I became slightly obsessed with these quizzes after the first. My other results were:
    I am the Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time…
    I am Thor. Yay.
    My Disney prince would be the dude from that frog movie (which I have not seen)
    Aaaaaaaand if I were a Michael Jackson song I would be “Bad”!
    What does it all mean!!?? Lol!
    MTFBWY!

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